Praying for Him

On my way to work I was surfing the radio like I typically do when a song popped on that hit me like a bus. It got me thinking about my road to marriage a second time and what gratitude I have for Scott. At the risk of sounding like a pandering spouse I am incredibly thankful for him. What's more this song just struck a chord because I did pray for him. Before I even knew he was my person I prayed for him.

To fill in the background of this statement I must first talk about my first marriage. It wasn't a happy one or a healthy one. Oh sure, I was good at putting on a front of the happily married person. I walked around half of the time with a pasted on smile and a Band-Aid over my heart. I wanted to think I was being successful and I wanted others to think that we were the picture of a happy home. I needlessly bragged on him because that was how I coped with my unhappiness. 

The cracks in our marriage began to show quickly after our union. I prayed over and over again that I could save things. I added children to the mix because I desperately wanted to be a mother and yet the fractures continued to grow worse and worse until finally they were broken beyond repair, so I divorced him and decided I would finally start being honest with myself and those around me about what had been happening for the last eleven years of my life. At the risk of sounding like a "bashing" ex-wife it wasn't pretty. 

Now knowing some of these details, here's where this song hit home. I had prayed for my future husband long before I married my first husband. I prayed daily that I would find someone like my father. I prayed daily that I would find a man who was faithful, loving, honest, and nurturing. I prayed for a man that would listen to me when I spoke and who I could respectfully listen to when he spoke. I couldn't put those pieces together on my own but I knew God had a huge plan for my life.

I of course thought I had these things in my ex-husband when I became engaged to him but our engagement and even the days and hours leading up to our wedding were covered in red flags that I willfully ignored. I wanted to be married darn it! I thought I had the perfect partner in my ex-husband but oh how wrong I was.

I prayed things over my ex like what I listed before but I also prayed things over him that I had not thought of before. I prayed for peace in our marriage. I prayed for laughter. I even prayed for someone who would simply do a load of laundry! I prayed for it all while thinking I was praying for THAT person.

The thing was though, I wasn't praying for the person I was with. Yes his name was used, but really I was praying for my future. I wanted some peace and friendship in my marriage but it wasn't coming no matter how hard I tried.

 So when I left I prayed even harder. I prayed for myself at first. I prayed I would cover the shortcomings of being a single mom. I prayed for myself in my job. I prayed for my relationships with my parents. I prayed that I would find the right therapist to help me process my grief, anger and to help me put the pieces of my broken life back together. 

The funny thing here is I actually started praying for my future. At some point my focus shifted from my kids to the idea of finding friendship. That's all I wanted at first. I didn't want to be married again and of course that lead me to a lot of frogs. Men who I am ashamed I associated myself with but that filled that void of loneliness. Then I started to date in earnest but he wasn't the right guy for me. I had learned from my first marriage that I wasn't about to settle for the first person that met part of my criteria for a good partner, I was going to hold out until I found the person that met everything and loved me in spite of my history. 

Enter Scott. Before I knew it this person who I had hopes of having a relationship with but that started as a friendship broke down all of my barriers. I found myself realizing really quickly that I had more than just a friend in my partner. He was everything I prayed for all those years ago and everything that I had been praying for myself. He was healing fractures in my hear that I didn't even know existed and helping to stitch together those broken pieces of myself I did know were there. The genuine happiness that oozed from every part of my life began with Scott.

It struck me today listening to that song that I was praying for Scott all along. I didn't know it then but when I prayed for my ex-husband to give me the things I needed I was praying for Scott too. I even prayed for him when I had no idea I was in fact praying for him. I didn't settle this time and I am so thankful for that. 

Life isn't always easy with our blended family. Six kids all fairly close in age makes for a hectic life. Not to mention we have had some pretty big bumps along the way. (I won't go into that for the protection of certain people, but it has nothing to do with the state of our relationship.) Scott is currently down now with an injured back that has kept him home and down with pain since June, but even in spite of that pretty big roadblock I have found that he has met every single one of my wishes for a partner and when we got married in January I did so without hesitation, fear or red flags. After all I prayed for this man and he is here to stay! 

Matt Stell "Prayed for You" 

I've never been one to ask for help
If I need a mountain moved, I move it myself
I ain't the church pew regular, twice on Sunday
Quote you the scripture kind
I'm far from a preacher
But I'm a believer

'Cause every single day, before I knew your name
I couldn't see your face, but I prayed for you
Every heartbreak trail when all hope failed
On the highway to hell, I prayed for you
I kept my faith like that old King James
Said I'm supposed to
It's hard to imagine, bigger than I could fathom
I didn't know you from Adam, but I prayed for you

For someone to love me like you do
Graceful eyes to see me through
A smile that steals me, a heart that heals me
A touch that kills me too
Baby you're perfect, I guess the good Lord heard it

'Cause every single day, before I knew your name
I couldn't see your face, but I prayed for you
Every heartbreak trail when all hope failed
On the highway to hell, I prayed for you
I kept my faith like that old King James
Said I'm supposed to
It's hard to imagine, bigger than I could fathom
I didn't know you from Adam, but I prayed for you

Every single day, before I knew your name
I couldn't see your face, but I prayed for you
Every tail light fade in the goodbye rain
Girl even today, I prayed for you
I kept my faith like that old King James
Said I'm supposed to
It's hard to imagine, bigger than I could fathom
I didn't know you from Adam, but I prayed for you
I prayed for you
I prayed for you