In the Blender

Once again my mind got to whirling on my way to work today. It's always on my drive and never really at a convenient time when I can get my thoughts out on paper. Funny how that works, but I've got a quiet moment so my thoughts circled back around that that conversation I had with myself on my drive to work.  My thoughts led me to the phrase I uttered many times before in my first marriage. "Divorce isn't an option." I said it until I was blue in the face early on in our relationship and then again I "beat a dead horse" and restated what I thought over and over again.  I kept thinking about how selfish it would be to divorce someone, especially after kids are in the picture. I had worked so hard to curate this image of perfection in the eyes of those around me but our relationship was anything but perfect. I bragged about my ex endlessly and never spoke of any kind of problems to anyone. Occasionally I would allow myself to be vulnerable and speak about ...

On my way to work I was surfing the radio like I typically do when a song popped on that hit me like a bus. It got me thinking about my road to marriage a second time and what gratitude I have for Scott. At the risk of sounding like a pandering spouse I am incredibly thankful for him. What's more this song just struck a chord because I did pray for him. Before I even knew he was my person I prayed for him. To fill in the background of this statement I must first talk about my first marriage. It wasn't a happy one or a healthy one. Oh sure, I was good at putting on a front of the happily married person. I walked around half of the time with a pasted on smile and a Band-Aid over my heart. I wanted to think I was being successful and I wanted others to think that we were the picture of a happy home. I needlessly bragged on him because that was how I coped with my unhappiness.  The cracks in our marriage began to show quickly after our union. I prayed over and over again that I cou...